1-9-12

After I finished blogging last night my mom called to tell me that my sister had just taken Sadie to the ER because of swelling on the back of her neck which made it nearly impossible for Sadie to move her neck up and down. Sadie’s neck was apparently really tender and sensitive all day, and Bec and Jud realized that she didn’t want them to touch it or move it at all, and if they did she would freak out. They also realized that it had really swollen throughout the day. Becca was telling my mom this when she was talking to her, and my mom was instantly worried (not uncharacteristic for my mother) that her neck was swollen and that she couldn’t move it because she’s aware of the symptoms of meningitis. So she mentioned that to them, and Juddy called a doctor in his ward who told him to take her to the doctor in the morning, but then called back just minutes later and told him to take her right then because it was worrying him that she couldn’t move her neck up and down. So they drove to Sunrise Children’s Hospital and they took Sadie in right away since she had chicken pox and neck swelling. I ended up going down around 10pm when Joe called me to tell me they were going to sedate Sadie and put a needle into her spine to see if there was any meningitis in it. Poor Becca was just like any mom would be in that situation. When I got there Sadie wanted to see me, so I went in to see her and nearly cried when I saw her laying on that cold bed with IV’s in her hand still gasping for a breath every few seconds from crying so much, the way that kids do after a lot of crying. Poor little Sadie just wanted to talk about Teagan and show me her owies, but then she moved or tried to and that made her sobbing start again. Then they came in to do x-rays, and of course she started screaming for mommy, so I went  out and brought Becca back in, all the while trying to hold back tears from seeing sweet little Sadie in so much pain and discomfort and being too little to understand any of what’s going on. As adults, we understand sickness. But whenever my children are really sick, and that hasn’t been often, I’m pained by their heartache because they just don’t understand it. Easton asked last night as I was putting them to bed, “Why did Jesus do this to Sadie?” He’s always so quick to wonder why Jesus lets things happen, and I’m touched by it because he seems to at least know that Jesus loves us. He just doesn’t understand why we are allowed to suffer.

After they sedated Sadie, she was much better and really quite loopy. She was laughing at everything and chatting and showing off her owies, and it was much better to see her like that than in all the pain she was in. It was actually quite adorable to see a 2-year-old on morphine, so Becca recorded some of her loopiness. After they sedated her they took the sample from her spine, and a couple hours later the doctor came back and said that everything looked ok right now, but that because of Sadie’s neck swelling and inability to move her neck, they wanted her to come back again today. They couldn’t completely rule out meningitis because they said it could be in the very early stages before showing up in her spine, so they needed to do another test the following night to be sure it wasn’t moving to her spine. So they gave her a good does of antibiotics and benadryl and were going to send them home, so Joe and I left about 1:30 am and headed to home. I texted Bec and Jud around 9:30 this morning to see how she’s doing, but I haven’t heard back from them yet. I assume they are sleeping.

But poor Sadie just tugged at my heart seeing her in so much pain. She was really one of the sickest kids I had ever seen, and I just wanted to pick her up and love her. Which means my sister wanted to do that even more than I did since she’s the mama. As Joe and I were in the waiting room, I kept looking around at all the sick babies in their parents’ arms, the look of worry heavy on those parents’ faces. Parents really love their children, and we always wish we could suffer things in place of our children. I’m certainly Heavenly Father, the ultimate of all parents, feels that same tug at his heartstrings when any of his children are suffering in any way. How I bet He’d like to run to our rescue and stop our cries, but in His infinite wisdom and love stays His hand because He knows that our suffering will lead us to higher ground. It comforts me to know that when I can’t take away the suffering of my children, or when I see my sister so upset because she can’t hold Sadie the way Sadie wants her to, that there is a loving Father - whose love far outreaches mine - that knows exactly what He is doing. And He does it all for the benefit of His children. There are so many children that are sick and suffering in those hospitals, children that visit them on a regular basis. I think of my friend Jami and her daughter Regan who suffers from cystic fibrosis. While my children are healthy and we go about our happy lives, Jami’s heart is constantly being tugged at by little Regan and all her sufferings and daily treatments and hospital trips. Children don’t belong in hospitals. They belong in parks and playgrounds. As I walked past all the rooms with the children in them, my heart felt such great compassion for the people that I know that are dealing with things like this, and my prayers for them will perhaps be a bit more earnest. Sadie isn’t even mine, but she’s close to mine, and seeing her in such a way caused me to see the frailness of life and to remember to squeeze my children tightly and pray, sincerely, for those whose hearts are heavy with concern for their own children. For those who feel helpless and who do worry how many more times they will be able to squeeze their children.  There is so much suffering, but there is a loving Father who is the ultimate of all parents that knows what He’s doing. When I can’t fix other people’s problems, the knowledge that I have of His love for us gets me through the day. And I remember that I don’t have to worry about them because He’s doing a better job loving them than I ever could.