Monday, August 27th Easton’s First Day of School

Time is not my friend. Time is the thief that steals my children. 6 1/2 years later I watched my sweet Easton walk into his first day of first grade, and I said to myself, “Only 11 more first days of school for him, and then he will leave me.” I don’t know if all moms think that way, but I do. And then I think of all my children leaving me alone and us being empty-nesters (this is really a whole lot closer than one might think it is) and what sad sad state of mind you will find me in.

Easton did great. He was nervous this morning, he barely ate any breakfast, and when I said our morning prayers he told me to pray for his tummy because it was hurting. He was just a little apprehensive of his first day as I’m sure so many kids are the first day of school. He said when I picked him up that his first day was boring because all they did was play and didn’t do any school work.  That’s my little weirdo :). He said P.E. was a lot of fun because the teacher was funny. He’s not always a kid of many words, especially after school. He’s probably like me. Let me adjust to being done with work and or school before I want to be all giddy and talkative. He was the handsomest little thing on the playground, though.  Yes, he did eat green beans for breakfast like he does most mornings that I’m not out of them.

I felt sad a lot of the day with him being gone, but school started for Jacob and I today too. I spent several hours trying to find my way through my psychology course, having to take quizzes to unlock the course overview and then a quiz to unlock the syllabus and a million other tedious unnecessary things like that. Once I finally got into the week 1 assignments (after going on a treasure hunt for more clues, seriously) there were a gazillion assignments on top of the reading and a book review due. I could tell that this professor was going to take up my time with a bunch of unnecessary assignments, so after taking 4 quizzes, reading 2 chapter summaries, posting in 2 discussions, and reading a 60-page PowerPoint, I made a wise a choice to drop that class. That was all just today’s tasks, and there were more that I didn’t even complete. For crying out loud, I am a full-time mother with a 4-month-old baby taking 3 other classes, one of them being chemistry. The last thing I have time for is tedious work. I hardly ever get instructors that are like that. Her class was so ridiculous, glad I dropped it. I’ve taken many on-line classes, and that was just absolutely ridiculous. And for heaven’s sake, it was only Psychology 101. Joe’s class last semester was nothing like that, I asked him.  I have 3 courses left, and so does Jacob. We are taking the same Anthropology class, so that should be helpful.

Even though Easton was gone, we still managed to smile after I got rid of my giant headache of a psychology class. It took up so much of my day, so I didn’t get to give Teags a whole lot of time. But we did practice our letters and shapes.

 

I worked on this darn piece of furniture a lot last week, but it’s so dang hot in my garage that I quit caring about the paint job I was doing. The paint was not covering at all, and after 3 coats I finally said, “I don’t even care anymore.” I have to finish glazing it and then distressing and polycoating it, but it’s my worse paint job ever. The left side is not done at all, but I need more paint. It’s too hot in my garage to think of painting any more furniture in there for the months of August or September. Since the left side is against the crib, I’m not in a hurry to get it done. Not in this heat.

After we picked Easton up from school, we came home for a bit before going to my mom’s to have a little happy night for Joe and Laura’s engagement. We had some pizza, chatted, and let the kids play. We left my parents’ later than I had hoped to, but all was fine. I’ll just have to get Easton up early to shower.

Well my husband is in bed, and I’d like to go get my snuggle on, so I’m off to join him.

Sunday, August 26th

I can’t really remember what has gone on this week. It’s kind of been a blur since I haven’t blogged at all. I went school shopping for Easton. School starts tomorrow for all of us, and I don’t know whether to cry or be excited about that. And Logan was really good this week. No fussy baby here.

Joe and Laura got officially engaged tonight, and we are thrilled. Their date is set for November 30th, and Adam and Amber are set for October 26th. So two weddings in row, and my parents will no longer have any single children. How fun for our family. All my dad keeps thinking is “more grandkids.”

Pretty sure Amber doesn’t want any more kids, but we’ll see if that stays. I will probably do some engagement pictures of Adam and Amber when he is in town next week from North Dakota. They have a long distance relationship since he’s been working out there.

Today at church our talks in sacrament and our lesson in relief society seemed to be just what I needed. Life is full of trials, some big, some small, and sometimes you just get caught up in the bleakness of it all that you forget how many prayers have been answered and how many blessings have been poured out upon you from the hand of the Lord. The sacrament talks were about trials and enduring them well and the relief society lesson was about sacrifice. In relief society the teacher today showed a short video clip about the Savior in the garden of gethsemane. It portrayed very well the absolute bitterness of what He took upon Himself in the garden for our sake. There is a scene where He collapses from the weight of it all, in utter agony - His body, mind and soul clearly consumed by the pain of the Atonement - and then you see a glowing being appear and simply put an arm on the Savior’s back, just to steady Him for a moment and and perhaps bring Him up from the depths of complete loneliness.

I, of course, have never known and will never know anguish to the extent that the Savior has, but I have felt pretty alone many times in my life. An instance came to my mind of a night when I was living with my sister when Adam and I were separated. I had many tough nights because I hated going to bed and sleeping alone staring at a pillow that he was supposed to be sleeping on. But some nights were worse than others. I remember one night feeling particularly alone as I got ready for bed and looked over to his side and thought about how he wasn’t there, and I didn’t know what he was doing but I knew that it was something that was enslaving his soul in some way. I felt sadness for him, for losing himself to the world, and I felt sadness for myself for being pregnant and abandoned and unable to bring him back to me and unable to help Easton deal with his dad not being there. On this night, I so clearly remember the feeling of absolute loneliness, feeling like I just could not do it tonight. I couldn’t be alone in my bed facing his pillow, and tonight nobody could bring me up out of this despair. I remember feeling exactly that way. But I got on my knees anyway, like I did every night, and I cried and I prayed for something, anything, to help me through. And I was able to end that prayer, get up off my knees, and get in my bed feeling not so lonely and not so despairing, and I was able to fall asleep and sleep soundly. It might seem like a small thing, but nights were daunting, and that night my burden was lifted. When I watched that video in relief society I remembered that feeling of my own less-severe loneliness, and I remember that something equal to my own heavenly being comforted me and I was able to go on and face the day with an assurance that the Lord had not and would not abandon me to my own despair.

“Surely He has borne our grief and carried our sorrow . .  .” He truly has, and I know it.

I hate it when my plans don’t work out. At least that’s what it feels like in the moment where you are giving up something that  you wanted because Heavenly Father has a BETTER plan for you, and you just don’t know it yet.

If life had gone according to my plans, I wouldn’t be married to Jacob. I am grateful that sometimes Heavenly Father intervenes and takes over the reins for a while to get me to greener pastures. I might have stopped in the barren wasteland and set up camp because I had no idea that a better, more beautiful place even existed and was waiting for me. Jacob is my greener pasture, and when new trials come and I feel upset that things aren’t happening like I’m praying for them to, I remind myself of where I was and where I am now, all thanks to my plans not panning out accordingly.

I love this quote that I shared in this post : “We must be willing to let go of the live we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

Now I’m off to bed. It is late, and school comes early, but I am grateful for this day.

Monday, August 20th

What a fun week we had. On Wednesday night after Jacob got off work we headed off to the condo. It was a long drive because we had to take the back way once we hit the road to the condo. So that added an hour and a half to our drive. The back road wasn’t paved and was super rocky, so the boys all woke up for that, but Logan did really well even though he was awake. We finally arrived at the condo about 4 am. We would have been there by about 2 or 2:30 had the main road not been under construction. We prefer to drive at night so that the baby sleeps.

We spent Thursday by ourselves hiking, being outside, setting up the hammock, and just enjoying the beautiful scenery and fresh mountain air. I love that we have this place to go to with the kiddos and that we’ve been able to have so many memorable family trips there. Jacob’s parents and Janea arrived late Thursday night after some car troubles on the way up. Then Aunt Breanne drove up on Friday early evening.

We had such a great time four-wheeling, taking scenic walks, watching the beautiful mountain storms, rowing on the lake, hanging out in the jacuzzi, napping in the hammock, roasting smores, playing on the swings, eating out on the deck, and enjoying each other’s company. Logan was extremely difficult this trip. He has been super fussy since last Sunday, needing to be held whenever he’s awake. But the good news is that since last Sunday when we switched his formula, he has pooped every single day without missing. So that’s 9 days in a row now, and I am so happy about that and grateful that we were able to find a solution to this problem. I think that he was having a difficult time with the altitude and thinness of the air up at the condo because he seemed to be happier after we gave him oxygen. He was hard, but we still had a wonderful time. It was nice to be able to relax with my most favorite people in the world. And I really love my awesome in-laws.

All of those pictures were taken by my phone. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to just grab my phone instead of having to get my nice big camera out.

The boys LOVED hanging out in the hammock with Dad. Teagan even fell asleep in it with Jacob one afternoon. Jacob and his dad put the tarp up so they could still hang out in it while it was raining. Even Logan seemed to calm down when Jacob put him in the hammock with him.

 

I meant to get one of those baby carriers before we went up, but I forgot, so we fashioned this little creation out of sheets. It helped take the pressure off my arms, so it helped.

We headed back home Saturday evening, and we had to drive the back way again. We had no idea how beautiful the drive was since we came up in the dark, but we were so glad that we had to take the same way home and that we did it in the day. The scenery was breathtaking. In that hour and a half we must have passed about 6 different bodies of water and so many beautiful meadows. So it wasn’t too bad of a drive after all. Once we hit Beaver, though, Logan started fussing, so we ended up having to stop and eat and try to feed him. So we didn’t get on the road as soon as we would have liked to. We ended up getting home about 11:30 pm, but at least it wasn’t 4 am.

Sunday morning Jacob had to be up bright and early for a meeting. It was also his birthday, so I had planned some things for him. We made a big sign earlier in the week before we left for UT and hung it over the bedroom door once he got home from his meeting. We made him go back in his room and then hung the sign and stuffed balloons in front of it so that when he opened the door it would be like an avalanche of balloons. I made him breakfast, nothing fancy since we got home so late and had no food in our house, and then we opened his presents.

After all of that we got ready for church. Andrea and Joey were blessing baby Iris, so we all headed over to that. After the blessing, we went back to Andy’s house and ate some yummy food and visited with friends.

After Andrea’s we came home and Jacob got in a good birthday nap before heading over to my parents’. My mom made her famous french toast, per Jacob’s request, and my dad made his yummy Mexican breakfast. It was basically our Christmas dinner for Jacob’s birthday, and it was all delicious. I’ll have to upload the pictures from my mom’s later. The boys and Sadie ended up staying the night with grandma and grandpa, so I picked them up today after running some errands. Logan usually does well in the car, and he did today even though I was worried. I had to pick up Jacob’s check from him at work and then head to the bank and deposit it, and then I headed to my parents’ and stayed for a bit before heading home. Once we got home, the boys went on a quick walk with Taylor Anderson and her parents around the neighborhood, and then they played outside for just a bit before showering and watching some TV.

Once Jacob got home I checked his student center account to see if his financial aid had gone through yet, but instead I found out that they dropped him from his classes. They put him on financial aid suspension by mistake, so they said they would be correcting it and that his aid would be reinstated. But it wasn’t, and his classes were dropped, and that thoroughly annoyed me. I have no idea if it will all be fixed in time for him to start classes on Monday. SO ANNOYING!!!! So that put me in a bad mood, even though I shouldn’t have let it. With the baby being fussy all day and then that, I was really just mentally spent and frustrated that sometimes things in life don’t go right even when I pray and ask nicely that they will. I suppose it will all work out, and one day my little Logan will stop being so fussy and I won’t have to hold him all day like I do now.  I’m just not very good at dealing with stress.