Friday, December 21st

School has been over for a week, and what joyous week it has been. I managed to get straight A’s this semester, but I barely squeezed by with 90.4 % in chemistry. I just didn’t ever have enough study time. But it’s an A. And now I can be a mom again. But not this week because I’ve been refinishing the cabinets. It’s a perfect time to refinish the cabinets before Christmas, right? I’ve been busy with pictures for the last couple months. I’ve spent lots of Saturdays shooting family pictures and lots of late nights editing. Late nights and I are well acquainted as I type this at 2:23 am.

It was Easton’s last day of school today, and that makes all of us happy. He has been such a late sleeper lately, so it is hard to pry him from his bed each morning. He will most certainly enjoy his Christmas break, and I will love having him home. Jacob is also off until next Thursday, and I am counting my blessings. I’m sure we will do something fun or maybe we will do nothing at all, and that will also be a wonderful thing. Not being in school is so liberating.

Joe and Laura had a wonderful wedding on November 30th. It was also his birthday. Is it sad that I didn’t take any pictures? Jeanna, Laura’s sister did them, and it was wonderful to be a guest at one of my sibling’s weddings. I got to dance like I wanted to. It was so much fun and the food was good.

Wednesday night I sang at my ward Relief Society Christmas dinner with my friends Brittany and Laura. I had a few solo parts, and that it the first time I’ve ever sung a solo, but it was one of my New Year’s resolutions for 2012. It only took me until the end of the year to complete it, but that’s ok. My family sings. My sister had an amazing voice, my brothers play the guitar and sing, my dad’s family can all sing very well, but my siblings and I lack the confidence to sing solos in front of people. I’ve always wanted to but I’ve never been able to. I was really nervous, and my voice was kind of shaky and weird when it came time for me to sing alone, but I managed to do it without dying. I wish I hadn’t been so nervous because I didn’t sing my best at all, but it is what it is. My bishop came up to me later that evening and said, “Rachel, I had no idea you sang – that was amazing.” Bishops don’t lie, right?

Tonight we spent a couple hours at Becca’s decorating ginger bread houses. I love to watch the kiddos have so much fun doing little things like that. Heck, I love decorating houses too. Last night we did our yearly trip to the Magical Forest with Jacob’s family. It was quite freezing, but the children loved it. Logan was fine, but I think he got cold and antsy. Christmas is in 4 days, and I feel like it has crept up on me this year faster than it has any other year. I think it’s because school just barely got over, so I didn’t have time to bake goodies like I wanted to. And I got my Christmas décor up late. So I feel so taken by surprise that Christmas is just about over, and it has barely begun for us.

Logan began army crawling/scooting a few weeks ago. He doesn’t sit up, and he used to be much better at it, but he seems to hate it now. He likes to be on his belly so that he can scoot to whatever he wants. He also loves his walker, and I am thankful for that. His constipation problems have gotten so much better, and he has been such a happy baby since about 6 months. He is a delight, and this is the age when I smile and say to myself, “Ah, children are worth it after all.” I don’t want him to grow. He is perfect just as he is. Easton and Teagan haven’t had any major developments lately, just the usual.

Last week at a school in Newtown, CT, 20 children and 5 adults were shot and killed at an elementary school. It was a horrific tragedy, and I have looked at my sweet Easton’s face so often this week and felt such sadness for the little faces just like his that had to witness and be a part of such evil. Sometimes it’s hard not to become cynical and wonder if there is anything good in this world, anything that my children have to live for. It is hard not to worry. For their safety, for their innocence, for their souls. It’s hard to raise them in the world while teaching them not to be of the world. I just ache when I think of that shooting. I ache for the children, their families, the teachers, and for my own children that don’t even know what happened. But we can’t live in fear. We can’t become lost in hopelessness and cynicism. Easton went with the primary children after school to sing to the elderly people at a local elderly care facility. This is the 2nd year he has gone. He gets to ride on a big tour bus, and he and all the other children absolutely love it. Tonight as he prayed, he asked for the little old lady to have her finger back. And for the old sick people to feel better. And for one lady not to have her hand wrapped in bandages anymore. He prayed for all of them, so sincerely, with such intuition. Easton is very intuitive. If there is anything that I can say about him, it’s that he GETS things. He gets things that I don’t explain to him and many children don’t wonder about.  I still remember him, barely 3, asking me, “Mom, what happened to you? A long time ago, you used to live with dad, and now you don’t and he has a new girl. What happened to you?” He just notices things that I think most children would pay no attention to. He has a gift for sensitivity and compassion and the ability to ponder and understand deep things , and I’m sure one day his wife will love it. I love it. I love that this makes him always aware of his mother’s need to feel appreciated. He never ceases to tell me how beautiful I am, or how I sing like an angel, or how he’ll never love another woman like me he loves me, not even his own wife. He’s very loyal. Full of goodness.

So when I start to wonder where the good is, I remind myself that the good is living in my house, calling me mom, leaving dirty handprints on the refrigerator, making toys out of weird things, telling me how much I am loved, asking me to sing all three verses to Away in a Manger, kissing me goodnight a few times, smiling at me with two little bottom teeth, asking me for milk, and praying the Logan will “survive the badness of the world” and that the sick old people will get better. The good is in my sweet little children and all that they are and all that they want to be.

“Those eyes are a window to where God is,

Two lights telling that

All is not dark, all is not empty.

For there is purity

and promise

in the eyes of my child.”

Wednesday, November 29th

What can I even say about my life lately?! Showers are optional. Cleaning is but a memory. And blogging?  I remember when I used to do that back in those days before I decided to go to school with a baby. Life has been so busy. School, Halloween, Thanksgiving, photo shoots, wedding, school, baby, boys, school, sickness, field observations for school, weddings, presidential elections, and lots of school. I think my problem is that I’m not very good at managing my time. I’d always rather not be doing school. I have some big papers due by the end of this week and next week. I don’t like these papers. I don’t like that I don’t have time to do anything that I want to do. I have gone 4 days in row without doing my makeup. That’s unheard of for me. I’ve gone to Walmart looking homely. I am doing what I can to get by, and I feel like I’m barely getting by. You know those interview questions you get asked, like, Do you work well under pressure? And you imagine to yourself that you do. And then you start working under pressure and realize that you lied right through your teeth when you said that you worked well under pressure. Well that’s me. I thought I worked well under pressure, but I DO NOT. I tell ya, I have prayed my way through this semester. I’ve worked too, I’m not just praying without working, but I really feel like my meager little efforts have been stretched to where they need to be thanks to some fervent prayers. Only 2 1/2 more weeks and the semester is over. Surely the angels will sing on that glorious day.

I wish that I could catch up on everything now. But it’s oh so late, and I haven’t slept for 8 hours for weeks. Joe is getting married on Friday. I have so much school to do tomorrow because I won’t be able to do anything on Friday. Saturday is busy because I have a photo shoot in the morning, a birthday party in the afternoon, and Jacob’s work Christmas party in the evening. So all of my school for the week has to be finished tomorrow. Jacob has school to do as well which is probably why our schedule has been so hectic this semester. And I haven’t journaled all the important and meaningful moments that have flown by. I feel like a failure. There are so many projects I need to do around my house. My Christmas tree is up, but I don’t have time to decorate it. I need to take baby Cooper from Becca for a night so that she and Juddy can have one restful night together before they lose their minds. I haven’t finished editing my brother’s wedding from 1 month and 3 days ago. I’m drowning! I have gone straight to bed so many nights at 2 am, falling onto my pillow without praying or reading or falling asleep while praying. I hate feeling like I am accomplishing so little in my life. My children are neglected and hungry. I have had clean clothes sitting in laundry baskets for days, and they come out so wrinkled that they have to be washed again because I don’t have time to iron. Teagan has been watching so much TV lately while Easton is at school and I’m on the computer doing school or trying to do everything else but pay attention to my children. I just don’t know how to do so many things at once. Next semester I registered for the biology class I need, but I just don’t think that it is the best thing for our family for Jacob and I to both be in school at the same time. And right now it’s more important that he finishes school. My children need my attention, and I’m just not capable of doing so many things at one time. I like that quote that if you don’t have time to pray and read your scriptures that you are busier than God intended you to be. That talk good, better, best also comes to my mind. It’s good to go to school, but it’s probably best to do it at a time when my family won’t suffer because of it.

Oh, and just a couple quotes to jot down.

Nov 8th

Me to the boys tonight: "UGH!!! Why are you guys being so bad lately?!!"
Easton: "Mom, we are learning a lot of new things in this world right now, and it's awkward for us, but we'll get the hang of it."

Oct 31st

Easton's prayers tonight: "And my mom is the most most most nicest, and I will never forget it, even when I'm an adult, and I will remember that my mom is who I love the most, even more than my own wife."

Wednesday, November 15th

Where have I been? Just stuck here at my computer desk, reading textbooks, taking quizzes, and going crazy. Only 4 more weeks of school until I have my life back. Thank the heavens! I am backed up on photo editing from Adam’s wedding and a friend’s family session last Saturday. I have a few more sessions coming up this month, so I will continue to be busy. I have not even done my hair or makeup since Sunday. I look catastrophic. But I have cleaned, and I have cooked dinner, and I have taken care of my children all the while managing to keep my head just above the water to get my school work done.  I am not superwoman, and it shows with my 3-day pajama ensemble and makeup-less face. How my husband has managed to look me in the face this week is beyond me.

Jacob took the boys to their first UNLV basketball game on Monday with Juddy and Andrea’s little boys Jackson and her husband Joey. I know some other of Juddy’s peeps were there, so the boys got to enjoy their man night. They loved it, and they looked so cute and excited as they were heading out the door.

Last Saturday, the 10th, we took the boys to the air show at Nellis Air Force Base. We spent about 4 hours browsing around the planes and jets, spending money on over-priced food, and watching all the air shows. It was absolutely FREEZING that day. I’m talking get-your-long-johns-out kind of freezing. But we were not prepared and only had little sweaters with us, although I did see some children wearing shorts and applauded myself for not being THOSE parents. The boys whined for about the last 2 hours that they were frozen to the bone, but we made them suffer through bone-chilling wind to watch this show that only happens once a year. They had fun, got to ride on a bus to get out to the base (we coulda just ridden the bus and called it a day with how much they loved it), got to go inside some big airplanes, eat some snacks, pee in a port-a-poddy, and spend some really cold quality time with their family. I dropped Logan off to my mom before we headed out there because I figured it would be too loud but didn’t even consider that it would be too cold.

Logan has been so stinking adorable, I don’t know what to do with how much I love him! He’s been so much happier and will actually sit and play on the floor or in his walker. Love that little boy! And I love walking into his room and seeing his sweet face after a nap. Always a smile for mama.

Thursday, November 1st

Well good heavens, it has been a while.  I’ve already mentioned how much I hate to miss my regular blogging, but this is all I can do to stay afloat right now. I am in awe of people who do so many things all at once. Like my awesome cousin Trish who is a nurse, a photographer, a mom, a gym instructor, and just finished getting her masters in nursing. All while being the mother of 3 small children. I take 3 classes, and suddenly I can’t do anything else in my life. But I’ll stop there at the comparisons, because I am who I am and I do my best with what I’ve got to work with, and that’s just little ol’ me.

This past week was quite busy. Our accelerated classes started, and it is unwise to do accelerated classes because you are cramming all of your work into 8 weeks instead of 16. I’ll remind myself of this the next time I enroll. Jacob and I read our butts off this week, and it’s hard to read about things that you don’t particularly care about. I don’t think there was a day last week that our noses weren’t glued to a textbook.

I also spent Thursday, the 25th, helping in Easton’s class, and then I had to help Amber set things up for her wedding. I was gone most of that day while Jacob was home trying to do all of his school work and take care of 3 children, one of which tends to be particularly fussy. He’s a good husband, that Jacob of mine. He never complains that he has too much to do when I leave him for a day. Then Friday was Adam’s and Amber’s wedding. I left for that around 12:30 to help set up and take pictures of Amber getting ready. Their wedding was beautiful, and it was so much fun. Becca and I got out and danced a bit with my dad’s family. I have lots of good pictures to post, and I will get to that soon, but there are a lot of pictures to edit. Jacob left earlier than I did to get the boys to sleep, and I got home around 10pm. That was another long day, but it really was a lot of fun, and the food was good. Non-Mormon receptions are far more exciting than Mormon ones because Mormon receptions never have enough dancing. Adam and Amber are not Mormons, so there was dancing. And a good sit-down dinner. I appreciated those two things.

Logan was so fussy the past week, and I discovered probably on Monday that his first tooth is FINALLY starting to poke through. I can actually see the top of it trying to make it’s way out of his gums. So maybe that has something to do with his fussiness. Easton and Teagan were never fussy when they teethed, so I’ve always assumed that whole fussy when teething idea was a myth made up by parents who needed something to blame their baby’s crying on. But maybe I’m a believer now.

This week has been more school and more mom stuff. Yesterday was Halloween, and we went over to Colleen’s house to eat soup and trick-or-treat with Sadie. My parents came and trick-or-treated with the kids for a bit, but my dad couldn’t last too long with his walker. Jacob’s parents joined my dad at Colleen’s house while the rest of us were out, so we spent some more time back at Colleen’s after the kids were done trick-or-treating, which wasn’t very much longer after we started. They kept whining that their legs were tired and they already had too much candy. Kids these days. Can’t appreciate a bucket overflowing with candy. We had such a great evening. Anthony, Geana, and Jaedyn showed up after we were done trick-or-treating so that the kids could all see each other. I love that we can get together with my family, Juddy’s family, and Jacob’s family and all have a really great time together.

Today Jacob and I did more school, went and voted in the presidential election (for Romney so that we can get Obamacare out of here), and then Jacob dropped me off at the hospital where Becca was being induced to have sweet little Cooper. She was a 4 at her appointment this morning, so her doctor sent her over to the hospital since she’s been contracting so regularly. They gave her pitocin at 2pm, and Cooper James arrived at 8:30pm after an awesome labor. Her epidural left her with more feeling this time, which she really liked because she could feel her body needing to push and was able to control the pushing this time. It was a lot of discomfort once she suddenly had the urge to push. She kept saying, “I swear I just pooped on the bed.” It’s crazy that it feels just like that once that pushy feeling comes. Trying to stop your body from pushing is a horrible feeling, and she felt that this time since her epidural wasn’t as strong as it was with Sadie. Her doctor wasn’t there when she suddenly said, “I feel something, it feels like something is coming out, and my body feels like it is just pushing all on its own.” So she had to try to stop herself from pushing until her doctor got there, which was about 15 minutes after she started feeling that urge. I think that’s why Teagan’s was so intense – I had that pushy feeling for about 25 minutes and the nurses kept telling me to hold the baby in until finally he came out without my doctor there but luckily delivered by a doctor who was just passing by in the hallway. Anyway, back to Becca. Once her doctor arrived, she pushed 3 quick times, and Cooper was here weighing in at 6lbs 12oz and measuring 20 1/4 inches long. He is such a darling little thing! My parents were there and so was Colleen, so we had a nice time chatting with each other and waiting for baby Cooper. I got home by 10pm, and Jacob had the boys in bed and the house all put together. Love me some Jacob.

Sunday, October 21st

Who has time to blog anymore?! I don’t even know where I have been, but I’m going to blame it on school. Tomorrow my accelerated class starts and 2 start for Jacob. Pray for me. To the one person that reads my blog – seriously, pray that I don’t die trying to do this darn fast class.

We have enjoyed some cooler weather lately. We’ve gone on walks with Roxy, played outside, had some rain, taken a couple family trips to the park, and now I seriously cannot remember what has transpired in these past weeks. Grrrr, this is why I hate missing so many days. But I’ve been trying to be better about when I do my school so that I have more time in the week.  I took a chemistry exam last week and got an 88, and that’s pretty good for chemistry. I also took a quiz and got 100%!! High five me for pulling that one off. I actually really enjoy chemistry, probably one of my favorite classes ever. I’ve really surprised myself by liking it. If I were smarter I’d be a chemist, but I’m not smarter.

Becca still hasn’t had baby Cooper yet, but the poor dear has had a lot of false labor. She is constantly contracting, and I hope she goes soon. Like tomorrow, or not until after Halloween. Adam and Amber are getting married this Friday, so a baby needs to not be born on their day. I took some engagement pictures for them yesterday. We are happy to be getting Amber. We think she is lovely, and we are happy to be getting two more sisters in our family. 

Adam and Angelica moved back to Vegas this week, so the boys spent yesterday afternoon with them. They are happy to have them back in Las Vegas. I know the boys don’t like not being able to see their dad and stepmom and other siblings.

Last night Jacob and I went to the Jenny Oaks Baker and North Stake Choir and Orchestra concert. It was wonderful, and Jenny Oaks Baker is no rookie on that violin. She is amazing, and I can’t wait to buy her Christmas cd. We first went to dinner with Amanda and Ryan, then to the concert, and afterwards to Max Brenner for dessert. Mom Edgel watched the boys, and we sure love them and my parents for always being such wonderful parents and grandparents.

Logan is just a darling little thing. He can be such a stink, and then so pleasantly happy. We love him. We surely do.

Alright, as promised some catch up pictures.

Becca’s baby shower, which was on September 29th. Yummy food – alfredo sauce, meat sauce, salad, breadsticks, artichoke dip, shortcake bar, fluffy sugar cookies, and a most delicious punch. There were a lot more guests that I didn’t get a chance to take pictures of.

Isn’t that blanket darling? Andrea made it. She’s a homemaking goddess.

We went to the pumpkin patch last Friday, and Becca took some pictures in between her contractions. The kiddies had some fun for sure. Jacob showed up a little bit late but I can’t remember what he was doing.

And here are two of my favorite shots from Joe and Laura’s engagements (in film)

And two of my favorites from Adam and Amber’s engagements