Wednesday, November 29th

What can I even say about my life lately?! Showers are optional. Cleaning is but a memory. And blogging?  I remember when I used to do that back in those days before I decided to go to school with a baby. Life has been so busy. School, Halloween, Thanksgiving, photo shoots, wedding, school, baby, boys, school, sickness, field observations for school, weddings, presidential elections, and lots of school. I think my problem is that I’m not very good at managing my time. I’d always rather not be doing school. I have some big papers due by the end of this week and next week. I don’t like these papers. I don’t like that I don’t have time to do anything that I want to do. I have gone 4 days in row without doing my makeup. That’s unheard of for me. I’ve gone to Walmart looking homely. I am doing what I can to get by, and I feel like I’m barely getting by. You know those interview questions you get asked, like, Do you work well under pressure? And you imagine to yourself that you do. And then you start working under pressure and realize that you lied right through your teeth when you said that you worked well under pressure. Well that’s me. I thought I worked well under pressure, but I DO NOT. I tell ya, I have prayed my way through this semester. I’ve worked too, I’m not just praying without working, but I really feel like my meager little efforts have been stretched to where they need to be thanks to some fervent prayers. Only 2 1/2 more weeks and the semester is over. Surely the angels will sing on that glorious day.

I wish that I could catch up on everything now. But it’s oh so late, and I haven’t slept for 8 hours for weeks. Joe is getting married on Friday. I have so much school to do tomorrow because I won’t be able to do anything on Friday. Saturday is busy because I have a photo shoot in the morning, a birthday party in the afternoon, and Jacob’s work Christmas party in the evening. So all of my school for the week has to be finished tomorrow. Jacob has school to do as well which is probably why our schedule has been so hectic this semester. And I haven’t journaled all the important and meaningful moments that have flown by. I feel like a failure. There are so many projects I need to do around my house. My Christmas tree is up, but I don’t have time to decorate it. I need to take baby Cooper from Becca for a night so that she and Juddy can have one restful night together before they lose their minds. I haven’t finished editing my brother’s wedding from 1 month and 3 days ago. I’m drowning! I have gone straight to bed so many nights at 2 am, falling onto my pillow without praying or reading or falling asleep while praying. I hate feeling like I am accomplishing so little in my life. My children are neglected and hungry. I have had clean clothes sitting in laundry baskets for days, and they come out so wrinkled that they have to be washed again because I don’t have time to iron. Teagan has been watching so much TV lately while Easton is at school and I’m on the computer doing school or trying to do everything else but pay attention to my children. I just don’t know how to do so many things at once. Next semester I registered for the biology class I need, but I just don’t think that it is the best thing for our family for Jacob and I to both be in school at the same time. And right now it’s more important that he finishes school. My children need my attention, and I’m just not capable of doing so many things at one time. I like that quote that if you don’t have time to pray and read your scriptures that you are busier than God intended you to be. That talk good, better, best also comes to my mind. It’s good to go to school, but it’s probably best to do it at a time when my family won’t suffer because of it.

Oh, and just a couple quotes to jot down.

Nov 8th

Me to the boys tonight: "UGH!!! Why are you guys being so bad lately?!!"
Easton: "Mom, we are learning a lot of new things in this world right now, and it's awkward for us, but we'll get the hang of it."

Oct 31st

Easton's prayers tonight: "And my mom is the most most most nicest, and I will never forget it, even when I'm an adult, and I will remember that my mom is who I love the most, even more than my own wife."