1-25-12

I am just about 30 weeks pregnant. On Friday. 10 more weeks until my due date, but I’m not sure if this little guy will be late like the other two or if he’ll be my favorite and come on time. Just kidding, he wouldn’t be my favorite. Sometimes Easton asks me who my favorite is – him or Teagan. I always tell him I love them both the same, but he’s sure he’s the favorite. As long as they each think they’re my favorite, then I’m doing something right. Sometimes Easton tells me he has two favorite moms. But then I tell him that I’m actually the favorite because he lived in my womb and because I take care of him every day. He always says, “Then who’s your favorite, me or Teagan?” And of course I can’t pick between the two, so he throws that in my face and says that it’s not right to pick favorites. I’ll just pat myself on the back for teaching him to be impartial and compassionate. Plus, I really am the favorite mom, and he’ll understand that when he’s older. I can share many things, but the title of Favorite Mother belongs to me. I earned it from the many years of service and love I have given to these boys. They lived in my womb. They kept me up at night. I’ve rocked them to sleep. I live to love them. Their other mom can be Favorite Step-Mom (I like their stepmom, she’s very sweet, but I’m THE mom nonetheless). It’s funny – I can let go of an ex-husband, but just back up off my kids. It’s one of those things I knew that I never wanted to deal with – the boys having a stepmom. But luckily I like Angelica, and I think she is quite sweet, so it’s never been as bad as I anticipated.  And I thought of something one day that helps me if I ever feel like my status as REAL mother is being threatened. I call Jacob’s mom “Mom”, and I love her and think she is great. But just because I call her “Mom” and love her doesn’t take away from my mother’s role or importance in my life. She can never be replaced – she is the world’s greatest mother, and calling my MIL “Mom” doesn’t mean I wish she were my mom or that I love my mom less. Whenever I think of it like that, I remember that it’s okay if my boys call Angelica “Mom”. They need to know that their stepmom loves them, and when they are away from me and with their dad’s family, I want them to feel loved and secure. I want them to feel like they have a family away from their family. So I’m glad that she’s sweet, and I’m glad that she loves them and they love her because they need that. They need that love when they aren’t home with me, even if they don’t see their other family that often. When I put the needs of my children in front of my own, it makes all the difficult things about being divorced much easier to deal with. I know they need their parents to get along, and I’m happy that they have that. I feel blessed that our relationship is very civil and my children don’t have to be stuck in the middle of my-mom-hates-my-dad-and-my-dad-hates-my-mom.  They are blessed boys, and I never thought I would say that about them. I used to feel so sorry for them being born into a broken home, but I see that Heavenly Father has made the best of a situation that I never wanted to happen, and just like Lehi told his son Jacob, “. . . behold in thy childhood thou has suffered afflictions and much sorrow . . . nevertheless, thou knowest the greatness of God, and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.” 2 Nephi 2:1-2. Every time I come to those verses I feel gratitude for that promise that I know Heavenly Father also makes to my boys. Easton was so little when his dad left us, and Teagan was born into a fatherless home. But they will be better and stronger for it.

This morning I didn’t walk because I was too tired. My body has just been hurting lately. I think I’m feeling 30 weeks pregnant. I had to get the house clean and grocery shopping done today. I also washed my hair, and it sounds funny, but that is always an event. That is why I only wash my hair twice a week. With this bench project I’ve been doing, my cleaning has gotten ignored. It’s a good thing I don’t constantly have projects to get done. My house would be in shambles.

We had our friends the Brox family over for dinner tonight. We got to meet their new little baby Sophia. She is just darling. It is always nice to catch up with friends. They used to be in our ward but moved out back in September, so we’ve only kept in contact through Facebook.  Karol is so sweet and wants to throw me a baby shower, but I feel silly having a baby shower when I’m having another boy. Although, this is my first Edgel baby and Jacob’s first (blood) baby as well, so maybe that means I deserve a shower? I don’t know. I have a lot of things still, but I’m pretty sure I need some more clothes for the baby stages. They get ruined by the spit up so easily. I also a need a car seat and a crib. I think I have a swing and bouncer at my mom’s house. And a high chair.

Tomorrow I have New Beginnings. I have to bake 3 dozen cupcakes and get my booth together and somehow clean 3 bathrooms and referee Teagan and Jaedyn all day  and have dinner ready and be out the door by 5:30 for New Beginnings. And I have to look cute while doing this stuff. I will wish myself luck. Melisa and I won’t be walking in the morning because we both have to get things ready for tomorrow night.

Oh, and my bench is done, but I have to do a poly coat over it to seal and protect it. We did bring it in for dinner tonight, and I’m quite happy to have it, but I don’t want it in the house until I’m done with it.