1-19-12

Today began with my morning walk and visiting teaching at 9:30. Anthony dropped Jaedyn off on our walk so she got to walk with us for a bit. We walk 1 mile uphill and 2 miles just regular. Jaedyn had to walk uphill for 3/4 of a mile because I could not push her and Teagan in the stroller. I’m 29 weeks pregnant, for crying out loud. I can barely breathe. She was pretty tired, I felt bad for her little legs. While I went visiting teaching, Jaedyn and Teagan went to Melisa’s house to play for a little bit. I walk every morning with Melisa and I serve with her in YW (she’s the President). We’ve become pretty good friends, and I just love her. Easton and Teagan like to go to her house even though she has 4 girls and only girl toys.

After visiting teaching, the day was pretty uneventful. I cleaned, did homework and reading with Easton, showered, washed my hair, made dinner, refereed 3 children all day, and that in and of itself exhausts me. Why must children fight? It doesn’t matter that I teach them to love each other. It doesn’t matter that they really do love each other because they still spend half of the day fighting and tattling.  I love being a mom, but sometimes I feel like an utter failure. When my children won’t listen to me, which seems to be often these days, I just can’t help but wonder if I’m teaching them anything. Time out works for a minute, but then they are back in time out again for the same thing they did an hour ago. Most of the time I wonder what it’s all for. And I always hear that you shouldn’t raise your voice because it drives the Spirit away. Let me tell ya, that Spirit is nowhere near here. He took a leave of absence – said notify me when that woman learns to chill out. But I feel like I’ll tell the boys to do something over and over in a calm and civilized manner, and finally, when they think that Nice Mom means “you don’t really have to do anything if you don’t want to” I turn into Mean-and-crazy-foaming-at-the-mouth Mom. But I still don’t think they listen, they just seem to get this look of disbelief like, “Gees, why do you have to be so mean?” I don’t know. I just want my children to be good little children that say, “Yes, Mom. Right away, Mom.” I want them to say that the first time I tell them to do something, not the 50th. Then maybe I’ll feel like I’m doing some good as a mother.

After mutual tonight I came home and got my little boys into bed. After reading scrips and praying as a family, Jacob went out and I stayed in to sing songs and read a story. While I still feel like I’m an utter failure today, Easton and Teagan snuggled up next to each other as I sang and held each other’s hands and exchanged their “I love you’s” and “you’re my favorite brother” comments. At least the night can end on a good note with those two loving each other and loving their mom. If only it could be more like that all day.

Tomorrow I plan to take the kiddies to the zoo after Easton gets out of school. And in the evening Jacob and I are going to go to the temple while my mom watches the boys for us. On Saturday Jacob is going to be converting the table into a bench. Here is a picture of our table before, and when it’s done I’ll show the bench. I love this table, but it’s so small, and it will be a fabulous bench.

 

The chairs are staying.  And technically so it the table, just in a bench. I’ll have to take a pic of my new table tomorrow. The next thing I want to do in my house is redo my cabinets. Kinda the same color as the table. I know my appliances and countertops will need to be changed then, but I’m really just concerned with getting rid of the orange cabinets.

Anyway, I’m off to bed now. And to eat a delicious glass of Sonic ice.