7-14-10 Being a Mom is Hard Work

Yesterday was a busy day so I didn't get a chance to journal. I spent the morning hanging out with my kiddos, and then I sent them off to their dad's house for the day. I worked on my website and then headed to the gym, and from there I showered and got dolled up to spend the evening at the Temple with my husband. I love going to the Temple with him. Plus, they have the best food. Yum. That's all I can about that.

Today I worked out, went to the chiropractor, picked up the boys, and then spent most of the day at my parents' house just hanging out with my pops. I feel like I accomplished something today. I have a hard time managing my time. There's never enough of it, particularly not enough when Teagan's sleeping. I feel like Easton gets ignored a lot because Teagan is so demanding of my time. If I work out and shower while Teagan sleeps that takes up his whole nap time, and then I didn't get a chance to do school or puzzles or reading or writing with Easton. And odds are that none of that will happen while Teagan is awake because he needs so much of my attention. Poor Easton. I hope Teags grows out of his fussiness soon so that we can all get what we need. I feel like these early years of my children's lives are so critical, and I only have now to teach Easton all that I need to so I can't fail or neglect his mental and emotional needs. It's hard being a mom and knowing that you have so much to do when at times I feel so unqualified. Who let me be a mom? Sometimes I feel like I'm just a kid myself, like I still have so much to learn before I can raise up children. And yet, here I am being a mother to two boys who need constant and unfailing nourishment. Do other moms just have everything together? I like to think that secretly we're all wondering what we're doing with these little kids crawling at our feet. I was talking to Jacob about this last night, and I just want to be a good mom. At the end of the day, I reflect on what we did and I always think, "I didn't do this or that," or "I shouldn't have done this". But it's too late because the day is gone. At least tomorrow I can bet better and try harder, and I can remember that if I'm striving and if my desires are right then I am doing enough. That's all we can give - our heart and our might.