Saturday, June 16th

Most of my day was spent at home taking care of the littlest boy while Jacob did man chores. He washed my van, replaced the rotors because my brakes were really bad, changed the blinker light, fixed his bike, and made some trips to Auto Zone. He also picked the boys up from Becca’s house because Joe took them over there from my parents’ house. I really appreciate having a man who is handy around the house. Jacob is very good about doing things that need to be done around here. He’s installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, like wired them in when there was no wiring and connected them to the switches. He just figures things out, and if he doesn’t know how to do something he’ll get a book or look up a tutorial, and I appreciate that he does these things.

I was reading back through my blog trying to figure out when Teagan started sleeping through the night. I came across some posts from a few years ago, and I almost forgot how different things used to be. I was a lonely divorced mother of two, and I barely remember the pain of it all unless I go back and read it. I am amazed at how my life has truly changed for the better and humbled to see that when it felt like my life was falling apart, better things were ahead. I have learned so much and come so far, and out of all the things I went through, I got a sweet husband who really really loves me the way a wife should be loved by her husband. I wrote this on August 16th, 2009:

“But due to recent events in my life, events that I first saw as great trials and horrible transpirations, I'm coming to see that blessings are lurking in disguise. Perhaps the failed marriage will give way to the one I never imagined. It's easy to see today's failings, to say that I got the exact opposite of what I wanted. But I bet God, in his infinite wisdom, looks down at me and says, "Oh, Rachel, give me a little bit of credit. You aren't getting the short end of the deal here. Just wait until you see the surprise I have in store for you tomorrow. It's a big one and you're gonna thank me for replacing the old, semi-functioning things with these shiny new ones." I'm positive it's really like that, and I just don't see it yet. Better things are ahead. Not just better things, but the best things. It is never required of us to settle for anything less than the absolute best.”

The failed marriage did give way to the one I never imagined. We aren’t perfect, and we are different, but we love each other and we are honestly happy. I didn’t have to settle for less than the best, even if 3 years ago it felt like I was going to have to settle if I didn’t get Adam back and save my marriage. I know that the Lord’s wisdom IS infinite and that He never forgets about me. I remember worrying that I wouldn’t find someone that would love my boys like I did. I came across this picture on a post in January 2010 of Jacob and Teagan when Jacob and I were first dating.

Whenever I look at this picture, I fall in love with my sweet husband all over again. What I see is the look on his face, the joy in his eyes, as he watched Teagan pet the horse and shared that experience with him the way he would as if Teagan were his own little boy. This picture melts my heart every single time I look at it. I absolutely love it.

I guess my point is that trials DO end. The clouds break, and the sun shines again, perhaps even brighter than it did before. Time seems to stand still while we are in the thick of our trials, but suddenly they are gone and only a memory. And what we’ve gained from them outweighs the pain we suffered through them.  There was so much heartache in my life just a few years ago, and that heartache has been replaced with so many tender mercies. If I hadn’t gone through them, I wouldn’t be me and I wouldn’t have what I have. My life is not trial free, nor do I expect that hard things won’t come my way again. But in the future, when big ones do come, I can look back on the things I’ve overcome and remember that better days really are ahead, and blessings are truly lurking in disguise.