Sunday, September 8th

August was a loooooong month.  As I anticipated I would, I spent weeks 5-10 of my pregnancy sick and nauseous, but 3-4 of those weeks were much more brutal than I would have ever imagined. I was sick with Logan, but this time I was too sick to stand up or sit up or eat or get dressed or brush my hair or put on my makeup or take care of my family. It was a blessing in disguise that Jacob was out of a job so that he could do my job. Aside from having morning sickness all day long, I got a UTI that crawled up out of hell and into my body, and I swear it nearly killed me. I ended up in the emergency room with it because I was in more pain than I have ever been in in my life every time I had to urinate. It was excruciating. I would sit in the bathroom and shake and cry, and it was far worse than any natural labor I’ve ever been in. I was sent home from the ER without any treatment for the pain, and I didn’t find out until 4 days later that I had a UTI when my CNM Charlene called me and said they got the report back from the ER saying that I had a UTI. So I went a week experiencing the most horrific pain I’ve ever been in all because of a UTI. I had no idea a urinary tract infection could be so brutal. I nearly lost my mind. That week was the worst. My nausea just got worse after that week was over, and then at my 10 week ultrasound (8-30), little baby had no heartbeat. I was disappointed, but I wasn’t distraught. Annoyed that I had spent so much time sick for nothing, wondering how I could still feel so sick if baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks 6 days. But I understand that miscarriages happen all the time. I had one before Easton too, though I was only 6 weeks along then. I didn’t expect this one since I was sick and hadn’t had any cramping or bleeding. We set up a D&C for the following Thursday instead of letting my body miscarry on its own because there was no way to be sure when my body would do that, and I was still so sick and would probably continue to be sick until I got the baby out of me. So I had the D&C on Thursday, Sept 5th, and by that evening I already felt like a million bucks. No more nausea, no more exhaustion, no more feeling like death. It was fabulous, and I have spent the past 3 days reveling in the glory of feeling well. I’ve wandered aimlessly around Target buying things we don’t need. I played in the rain with my children. I took the boys out to the Farmer’s Market at Tivoli Village yesterday where we browsed all the booths, played at the playground, and got their faces painted. Then we went to lunch and out for frozen yogurt. It has been so wonderful to feel normal again and to be able to go places and get out of my house. We were supposed to do so many fun things in August and didn’t get to do any of it since I just lay on the couch being a waste of space the entire month. Thank goodness it is over! It was a horrible pregnancy. I definitely want another baby, but I just don’t know when anymore, and we’ll trust in the Lord’s timing on that matter. I am disappointed that Staci and I aren’t pregnant together anymore. We were just a month apart! She is due in February with a little boy, and I am so excited for her! It would have been fun to have our babies so close together. And I could have been 12 weeks pregnant this week, just about in the clear and over the bad part. Otherwise, I’m okay, we’re okay, and it isn’t the end of the world.

For the good news – Jacob got a job!!!! Actually, he got two. This month we would have depleted our savings, so we were kind of down to the last straw. Tender mercies, that’s all I can say. Jacob applied for a working from home job with Apple back in June, and we hadn’t heard anything back. There were a bunch of other jobs we were sure we wanted that fell through, and then on Monday he got the call letting him know that we was hired and will start on September 16th. He also got a temporary job for this month doing contract work for the school district here, and he started that one on Monday. He’ll be working there until the 16th. This new job with Apple is the answer to 3 1/2 years of praying for a good job that would provide sufficiently for our family. It’s better pay than he’s ever made and has benefits, which we’ve never had. I almost feel bad that he got this job, like it’s too good for us, too tender a mercy, and somehow I feel like we don’t deserve it or that it can’t possibly be happening since we’ve been praying for it since we got married. I tend to feel that we need to be suffering in some way or we won’t be growing or that God has to always tells us no to what we want because we need to learn something from it. We’ve had a rough few months with Jacob being unemployed, me being so sick, and then losing the baby that Jacob getting a job and me feeling better feel like the floodgates have opened and the blessings of heaven have been poured down upon us. It’s kind of a good feeling. It’s a lesson to us to trust in the Lord’s ways and in His timing. It’s a witness that prayers are answered in the ways they need to be and not how or when we think they should be. I have to learn over and over again that the Lord knows what He’s doing in my life. I have to learn to trust Him with every new trial that comes because each time I seem to forget that just like all the other times, He also knows what’s best this time. I forget every single time that I’m really not that smart or as all-knowing as I assume I am. Anyway, a lot of learning has happened in our home these past few months. Jacob gave me a blessing when I was really sick during the pregnancy and told me that it would be a difficult pregnancy. And it was. Juddy also gave me blessing assuring me that the Lord would give me strength to bear the pain that I was in. And He did. We’ve wondered how we would make it every year when our income didn’t measure up to our expenses, and looking back, I see that every year we somehow made it. And we don’t even have any debt. I felt like our prayers about getting a good job were lost somewhere in the heavens, and they were answered. Heavenly Father was listening. I was worried when Jacob didn’t have a job this summer, and as it turns out, I really needed him home with me. What a blessing that we were able to sell our house in January and pay off our car and debt and put money into our savings for a time like this summer when Jacob would be out of a job. And when that money was just about out, Jacob got a good job. I think of all these things, how perfectly they all work together, and I am ever so certain that the Lord is in the details of our lives.

Easton started second grade on the 26th of August. What a handsome young boy he is. And what an amazing 7-year-old! He was the biggest help in all my weeks of sickness. So many mornings he gets Logan out of his crib, changes his diaper, feeds him, and entertains him until Jacob or I come downstairs an hour or so later. I’m used to him doing this, and I forget how amazing it is that my 7-year-old boy does this on his own without being asked. He sees that there is a need and understands that his parents are tired and takes the initiative to help out. He is an exceptional boy. I am amazed that he can be so intuitive, so responsible, and so compassionate. He’s a normal child, of course, that fights with and teases his brother, but there is just so much goodness and an astounding amount of wisdom oozing out of this boy. He must have an old soul.  Anyway, he really likes his teacher and really likes school. And I really like him. Poor guy has been throwing up all day today, so I don’t know if he’ll be going to school tomorrow. Hopefully the other boys don’t get sick!