I’m not sure how July went by without a single blog post. We haven’t been unusually busy. Time just gets away from me, and with nothing to show for it. We’ve spent some days at Wet N Wild. We celebrated 4th of July. We were supposed to go to Idaho the last week of July, but Jacob’s lack of employment has left us pinching every penny. School starts in just 3 1/2 short weeks, and I don’t feel like we’ve done anything grand this summer. Jacob will also begin classes again, so I won’t be going to school while he goes because there’s only two of us. With three children plus one on the way, it just doesn’t work to both be in school, not for us. Plus, I’ll likely be of no use for the next 3 months if this goes anything like my last one (keep this under wraps – I’m not announcing it yet).
No matter where we seem to turn in looking for jobs for Jacob, we keep running into walls, and nothing pans out. It is extremely disappointing to constantly feel like there is a good opportunity on the horizon, and then nothing comes of it. He’s had so many things just turn into disappointment, and at the end of the day it leaves us asking what else we’re supposed to be doing or what we’re supposed to be learning from all this. He’s in school. He’s learning. He’s applying for jobs day in and day out. We think we’ve got leads, and they lead us nowhere. We’re doing our best, but it’s hard to not feel like it’s hopeless when attempt after attempt just result in failure.
I’m not big on money. I don’t dream of fancy cars or fancy houses. I don’t care if we ever own a boat or a vacation home or go on exotic family vacations. I don’t care if I ever only shop on clearance. I don’t care if I can afford to take my entire family out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I am happy without all of those things because I know for certain that money only buys things and not happiness. But my life is good, and we are happy, and I only want money sufficient to provide for our needs. That’s all. And our needs are very humble. We have no car payments or debt at all. We just pay rent and utilities. So we don’t need much, but we do need something. I’m not asking for the big bucks. As a matter of fact, we’re only asking for what someone else might consider just barely above poverty, but we’re really fortunate to have such low expenses. So it’s frustrating to pay your tithing and fast offerings and wait for the financial floodgates to open, and there’s not even a trickle. Makes me think that half of those blessings really are spiritual which is great in the long term, but today we have to pay our rent. Today we have to feed our family. Today we have needs to meet. I just feel disappointment, and I’m very uncomfortable with disappointment. I think it’s an awful feeling that leaves my stomach in knots. I don’t like to feel disappointed or let down.
But we are happy. We have such a happy little family. I hear all the time that financial problems lead to divorce, and I feel grateful that all it does for Jacob and me is make us closer and more willing to lean on each other for support. We feel disappointed together instead of alone. We bear the burden together. I don’t mean to paint some unrealistic picture of bliss and and romance because we are certainly two normal human beings married to each other, but I always love my husband even if I don’t like him every minute of every day. He’s a good partner.
Anyway, catch up – 4th of July we spent swimming at Colleen’s and then at a neighborhood potluck on my parents’ street. It was sweltering outside. I can’t remember it ever being that hot on other 4th of July’s but maybe it’s always that hot. Jacob’s parents also joined us for some of the day.
I had a much needed girls’ night with Andrea, Staci, and Becca in July, and Staci told us some good news. We went to dinner and then Serendipity for dessert, but we got caught in a nice storm so that’s why my hair looks crazy.
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