Sunday, June 23rd

I’m starting a women’s movement. A reformation of the female ideology of self-worth. Okay, so I’m not really starting anything, but as of lately I’ve had an awakening. It’s no secret that I’m not always a big fan of my body and the extra pounds that cling to it. It’s not really a secret that so many women feel badly about their bodies, even the skinny ones. So often our worth is attached to the scale or a pants size or the ability to look good in a bikini. I’m always trying to remind myself that none of that is true and that I shouldn’t buy into it, but for so many years I have. Even when I was a skinny little thing, I felt badly about myself. I felt frumpy and fat in comparison to others. I wasn’t skinny enough, at least that’s how I felt. The funny thing is that whether I’m 30 lbs. too much or not, I still have wasted too much time feeling poorly about myself. I felt bad about myself 30 lbs. ago, and it’s taken me some time to realize that I’m chasing after the wrong thing.  I mean, there have been tears shed because I haven’t liked the appearance of the woman staring back at me in the mirror. There has been self-loathing, self-bashing, and that gross feeling of worthlessness. Far too many comparisons have been made between myself and other women.

My sister and I often talk about how women  make each other feel insecure. I don’t believe it’s intentional, I just think that so many of us are walking around with our insecurities leaking out onto everyone else. We’re all a part of this secret competition to be as good as everyone else.  Liz has had 6 kids and has the body of an 18-year-old, and so should I.  We all tell her how great she looks, how we wish we could look like her, and then say how bad we look in comparison. We all stand around and do this to each other, just further embedding into our poor little minds the misconception that we are only as good as the appearance of our bodies. Liz looks great, and that’s okay, but Liz can’t ever stop hearing about how great her body is, and we all make it clear that it’s the most important thing since it’s all we can ever talk about. So anywhere she goes, she’s reminded that body image takes precedence over all else. Then the rest of us go about with feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, and we’ve just fed each other’s insecurities. That’s how it works, I believe. I think so many of us are so insecure that’s it’s spilling out into other women’s lives. We’re so caught up in this idea of being enough that instead of reminding each other that we are enough, instead of helping one another, we’re dragging each other down. And I don’t believe it’s out of jealousy but out of insecurity.

But I’m sick of it. I’m saying, “That’s enough.” No more of this nonsense. Let’s not talk about each other’s bodies all the time. Let’s live our lives and be happy and be healthy. Why don’t we focus on taking care of these amazing bodies that God gave us? It doesn’t ever seem to be about health. Nobody looks at a woman in a bikini with a great body and says, “Wow, she looks so healthy. What I wouldn’t give to be as healthy as she is!”

I’ve been working hard on changing my focus. Unfortunately, the world isn’t telling me I’m worth something, so I’ve had to shut my ears and eyes to its lies. I’ve had to pray a lot. I feel like so many things have opened my eyes lately.  All I ever hear is women spewing out negativity about themselves – I’m fat, I’m flabby, I used to be thin, why can’t I be skinny, my skin is saggy, and on and on it goes. I hear it from my friends, my family, strangers, and for far too long I’ve heard it from myself. But I think I’ve just become sick from too much exposure to this absurdity. I’ve lived it, and I’ve finally had enough. I stumbled upon a hashtag on Instagram recently, #ana, and it was all these posts from teenage girls posting pictures of anorexic models, saying how much they wanted to look like them, that they’re so fat and miserable that they wish they could die (these were skinny girls, mind you), how they struggle with bulimia and anorexia and would give anything to be thin. After I finished browsing through these sad pictures I thought, “Someone just needs to tell these girls what they are worth and who they are”. It reminded me that Heavenly Father is on the other side thinking the exact same thing about me and a lot of other women out there. He just wants us to know that this is not His plan for his daughters, that this is not what he created our bodies to do or be, and that He sent us here with divine worth. And divine worth is greater than any imitation of worth that the world has come up with.

Women, we are more than a body. I am more than a body. I’ve felt a tremendous amount of relief from the oppression of insecurity since I let go of this lie I’ve been holding onto. I have felt so much joy, and I feel enlightened, liberated from the bonds of false beliefs and ideas. I have been reminded that I don’t have to find my worth in this world – I brought it with me. I ‘m not going to be a contributor to other women’s insecurities anymore. Let’s not talk about our bodies all the time. Let’s not live in shame of them because God created them for us and intended for them to do great things. I am more than a body, and I finally feel that.