I spent this lovely Friday hanging out with the kiddoes at home in my jammie jams cleaning and doing mom things. Jacob’s schedule has been changed to Thursday-Saturday, and I am feeling really sorry for myself that he has to work weekends now. Not just for 8 hours, but for 14, so there’s no going out with Bec and Jud or anyone anymore. He desperately needs a new job. He makes little money, works terrible hours, and doesn’t like what he does at all. He’s applied several places, but nothing ever seems to work out. We’re always praying for something to turn up. So far it hasn’t, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t.
Logan took a couple steps today. I am so proud of my little 13-month-old baby! He looks so cute always trying to stand on his own and taking a couple steps like he’s a drunkard. He has his days, and today was a good day. He wasn’t too fussy - in fact, he was quite enjoyable. Makes me want more babies because he’s going to start growing up pretty quickly from here on out.
This week I visited Amanda and her darling new baby Holden. She is doing well, and they seem to be settling right in to the whole parenting gig. I visited with her for a bit on Tuesday night and snapped a few shots of her with baby. I am so happy that she gets to be a mom after struggling with infertility. I know too many women that have to fight that battle, and it’s just the best to see them finally get to have babies or adopt a baby. Being a mother is the best, and I can’t imagine wanting children so badly and having to wait so long to have one. There are just hard things to deal with in this life.
My Idaho trip is quickly approaching and all my grand plans to drop 20 lbs have not happened. As a matter of fact, I’m sure I’m fatter than I was earlier in the year. Don’t ask me how, but I’m just sure I am, and I won’t even mention how absolutely disheartening it is to feel like you are fighting a battle you will never win. I can’t wait until this life is over and I don’t have to worry about weight any more, amongst other things. It is so discouraging to try so hard, and to no avail. To watch all your skinny little friends eat how they want and not gain a pound while you’re busting your butt depriving yourself and totally changing your family’s diets and not losing anything. It’s sickening! I know there are more important things in this life than weight and body image, but for crying out loud, can’t a girl lose some weight?! I know my Idaho friends will love me the same, but I’m still annoyed. It is hard to fight the battle of wanting to be skinny but not wanting to get caught up in your body image. Somewhere in there there has to be a healthy medium. Jacob gets so angry when I complain about my weight because he says I’m so negative and always putting myself down, but sometimes I just don’t think a man knows how it feels to be an overweight woman. Being an overweight man is acceptable. Having some extra is a-okay if you’re a man. But not if you’re a woman. Never mind that we are the ones whose bodies are completely altered through the carrying of children. Ugh. I hate it. I hate to be torn between reminding myself that it’s not about what size I wear and just wanting to lose some weight. I grow weary of this constant pull between loving myself and loving myself if I could just lose 20 lbs.
Anyway, school is almost out. I know some parents feel sad on the first day of school, but I am already feeling sad again that the last day of 1st grade is approaching. Children are only in elementary school for 6 years, and Easton has completed two of those years. That means there are only 4 years left, and I can remember 4 years ago like it was nothing. Then they’re only in middle school for 3 years, and that’s like the blink of an eye. Finally, it’s 4 measly little years of high school, and then they’re out the door saying, “Thanks for giving birth to me, but I don’t need you anymore.” When you think of it that way, I get why all the old people stop me in the store when I’ve got all my boys with me and tell me to cherish every moment because it goes by too quickly. 11 more first days of school for Easton, and that is not much at all.
Teagan has somehow ended up in my bed for like a week straight now in the middle of the night. Teags is my snuggle buddy. He’s always lookin’ for a good cuddle. And he still melts me when he climbs up onto my lap or comes in my room to lay next to me. He’s 4 years old, but I feel like him coming into my room will soon end for good, and that is something that makes me very sad. Something about him still reminds me so much of a baby. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s really just a fun-loving, carefree little boy. He lights up about the silliest little things, and his delight over the small things is really quite contagious. He’s got a fake flip phone that he loves to take places with him. He laughs hysterically if Jacob calls him Ralph and pretends he forgot his name, and each time he does it, it’s like the first time it ever happened. He has an obsession with telling me he loves me, like 20 times a day. Easton ahs always been very intuitive and wise, understanding the deeper things of life, whereas Teagan is just bright and playful. But he’s very smart and gets the hang of things very quickly. His motor abilities have always amazed me, and he learned his letters and their sounds very quickly. He’s very skinny. And tall for his age. Easton is tall also, but he’s definitely got a stocky build. I love how individual my children are, and I forget to document these little tidbits of information about them. Like how filthy they are when they come in from playing outside with their friends.
The next few weekends are going to be busy around here. I’ve got a wedding every Friday for the next few weeks. I’ve got a family reunion and a trip to Idaho planned for June, and we are still trying to work out a beach trip with Becca and Juddy. I am excited for Easton to be out of school for the summer. It will be nice to have that break from school responsibilities for all of us.
I volunteered in Easton’s class last week and helped with the Caughtya cart. Caughtyas are tickets students get for doing good deeds in their classroom or on the playground or completing assignments, etc. They can trade in their tickets for little prizes from the Caughtya cart. The teacher sent out a few students at a time to spend their tickets, and one boy in Easton’s group only had one ticket, so he couldn’t get anything because you have to have at least two. Easton had 37. As I was explaining to the boy that he couldn’t get anything, Easton said he could have some of his, but I don’t think they’re supposed to do that, so I told the boy to save up his tickets for next time. After school Easton and I were driving home, and he was telling me that Cameron doesn’t always get Caughtyas because he sometimes can be mean. Then he said, “I really wanted to just buy something and sneak it to him so that he could have stuff too. It was sad that he couldn’t get anything.” Be. Still. My. Heart. The fact that he would use his tickets to buy something for a boy that is sometimes mean to him and other students reminded me of the goodness that is in my sweet Easton. I don’t know if anyone is as tender-hearted and compassionate as he is, and it just seems to be his nature. He has always been so aware of what other people are feeling. I sure love him.
Our little garden is growing. We planted cherry tomatoes, roma tomatoes, jalapeños, zucchini, bell peppers, and cilantro. I’m not exactly sure how well the bell peppers are doing, but everything else seems to be doing great. I am so excited to have a place to plant a garden. We are loving living in this house, and we’ll likely be staying at least 8 more months. We’d love to buy a house, but we need the market to go down a bit and Jacob to have a better job.
Oh, and my friend that I said is leaving the church? Well she’s having major second thoughts, like consulting with her bishop and praying for guidance. Her heart has really been softened over the past couple weeks, and I know that it is because of all the earnest prayers that have been offered on her behalf. It is certainly a miracle, and her family is so very happy. Prayer works wonders, especially the prayers of a righteous mother, and her mother is one of the most Christ-like people I have ever known.
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