9-25-11

12 weeks. That’s it. 28 more to go, and 28 is forever. At my doctor’s appointment this Thursday, I had actually lost 3 lbs. It’s no secret that I was pretty happy about that. It wasn’t intentional, and I’m not starving myself, but I’ve had such a tough time eating the past 6 weeks that it’s not surprising that I lost weight.  I was pretty sick again all last week. I don’t intend for this to be my pregnancy journal, but I think it’s important to give a few details, so that’s why all of my posts have been about being sick and pregnant.  I’ve also had that itch kick in, the kind that says, “I really want my baby to be here so I can snuggle and kiss and love it.” But whenever my babies get here, and I remember what it’s like to not sleep, I secretly wish that I could send them back to my womb for a while until they’re sleeping through the night. Whenever I hear moms with newborns say that everything is so wonderful and they just can’t get enough of their cute little newborn, I wonder what they are smoking and how can I get some. Because I don’t like newborns. The idea of a newborn is kind of fun when you’re all excited and naïve and don’t recognize the train that’s about to derail on your life. But then the baby is born, and the idea of a newborn becomes the reality of a newborn, and you’re crying, “Why did I think this was going to be awesome?” At least that’s how I feel about the first 2 months of my babies’ lives. Newborns are just scary when they’re your own. I’m not the only one that feels this way. I remember talking to my friend Jenni in Idaho about the newborn stage, and she agreed about the whole newborn thing. So I knew I wasn’t crazy. My sister also feels the same way. They suck the life right out of you. But right now I’m really at loving the idea of a newborn, so until it gets here I’ll live in ignorance and denial.

Jacob’s brother gets home from his mission this week. That’s the only eventful thing we have going on in our lives in the near future. I’ve never met him, so it should be fun to finally meet this kid that I’ve been hearing about for the last two years. I’m sure I have more I should write about, but I just can’t hang this late anymore. I have to get 8 hours plus to feel functional these days, so I’m off to my bed.